Expectations

We aren’t sure if our son will ever walk unassisted. We don’t know when and if he will say his first words. There is a harsh reality that comes with having a child who is affected by this rare disorder. I’ve learned not to have any expectations.

I live in the moment. I have to. I live in joyous moments and not defeating thoughts. I can’t live in the depressing reality that my son may never have the ability to care for himself, drive a car, or get married and have children. I celebrate every small achievement. I smile when I hear my son say a different consonant when he’s babbling. If I think of him never saying “mom” or “I love you” the tears immediately start. So, I stop thinking and I look at him.

He does say “I love you”….with his eyes and his touch. When he touches my face and looks at me he says everything he can’t. His smile says thank you, his eyes say you’re the best, his cry say hold me and his laugh says there’s nothing better than this. He does speak to me, just not in the way that you would expect.

So, no expectations. There was a time when here was where we wanted to be. Rolling over. Lifting his head on his tummy. Mouthing toys. Waving. YES!! Waving. So, we’ll set goals to get there and soon enough there will be here. It may take weeks, months, or even a year. I won’t expect it. We’ll just work, wait, celebrate. Work. Wait. Celebrate.